living out a beloved life
Posted by Lindsay on December 11, 2013
2013, for me, will always be defined by what happened at its end.
Without even realizing it, you come to count on certain things.
Your parents' marriage.
Your child coming home from school.
Your safety crossing the street.
It was this week last year when I innocently checked the voicemail from my mom, and my memories would be divided into before and after.
Grandpa got hit by a car this morning...
I begged God through tears that morning for this not to be the end. Healthy and strong at 83...how could this be the end of the story?
You come to count on these things. That your grandparents will complete their daily routine without fuss and fanfare. Without the flashing lights and siren song of the ambulance.
I learned that week you can't count on these things. That, sometimes, yes, it can happen to you.
I couldn't talk about it without crying, couldn't sleep, couldn't eat...the injustice of it all coupled with my grief sent me spiralling.
And then December 14. Gunshots at an elementary school, and the faces of children lit up my computer screen.
Grief wrapped tight fingers around my throat and squeezed my breath away.
Doesn't every parent count on their children coming home safe from school?
Lord have mercy.
Christ have mercy.
Those two events are inextricably linked in my heart. Our family trudged through the long days, hopeful and scared. As my tough and resilient Scottish grandfather fought his way back, we cheered every step, but still couldn't help but wonder what it was all going to look like in the end.
And yet with each victory we celebrated, I was so aware that there were families who were still simply trying to breathe. There would be no celebrations. There would be no fighting back, for their beloved were never given the chance. An empty bedroom. A stray sock. A birthday. How many heartbreaks were these ones suffering every day?
Isn't this the story? The broken and the beautiful woven together, and somehow God in both.
I'll see my Grandpa this Christmas. This man who is in almost every important memory of mine, by the grace of God, is going to be in more. My children will have another year to know him, even if it isn't the same as it was before. Broken and beautiful.
"We don't yet see things clearly. We're squinting through a fog, peering through a mist. But it won't be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We'll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us!"*
Maranatha. Come, Lord Jesus.
I am a member of a beautiful sisterhood at Story Sessions Community. This is one of our weekly prompts. If you're a writer who is looking for community, I encourage you to come and check us out. There is always room for another.
*1 Corinthians 13:12, MSG
Posted by Lindsay on December 5, 2013
"And a terrible lie came into the world. It would never leave. It would live on in every human heart, whispering to every one of God's children: 'God doesn't love me.'"**
Sin came into the world. Lying and cheating, death and mayhem. We broke ourselves...(read more)
Posted by Lindsay on December 4, 2013
Oh, how I wish I could slow December. This month is flying and I am equal parts excited and sad. I can't wait to be home with the kids for 2 weeks, to be baking and planning Christmas Eve menus. I can't wait to give our gifts and fill up on good food and family. Last Christmas was...(read more)
Posted by Lindsay on November 22, 2013
In a world that seems to only be moving faster, the talk about margins and boundaries is ever more important. Bleary eyes checking Facebook and Twitter, work days seeping into off days, family members "spending time together" while all staring at separate screens. We have to...(read more)
Posted by Lindsay on November 11, 2013
They were small 3-ring binders, the floppy plastic kind. I filled them with typed sheets (single-sided to my father's horror), hole-punched and complete with a title page. I wrote the title on the front in thick black marker and stacked them in my closet.
I had a file on...(read more)
Posted by Lindsay on October 23, 2013
I didn't know it was a conversation to be had. No one ever told me that my gender would preclude me from certain roles within the church. I grew up watching women lead worship, teach Sunday School, read Scripture. I grew up with female elders and when I said that...(read more)
Posted by Lindsay on October 15, 2013
I wonder sometimes if you'll ask about what it was like growing up, when your dad and I were young, finding ourselves and each other at Friday night youth group and Sunday morning services. Will you ask me about my friends? Will you ask about what music we sang? Will you ask me to tell...(read more)
Posted by Lindsay on September 27, 2013
If you read any post on "things not to do on your blog" or "effective ways to build your platform," you will find that I am not good at any of those things. It's often suggested to build relationships with the "big fish" you should pitch some guest...(read more)
Posted by Lindsay on September 24, 2013
I don't know why it's been so hard for me to admit.
My mom stayed home (or worked from home) my entire life, and I loved having her there. There's something about coming home from the roller coaster hell of junior high and high school to the stability of Mom always being there....(read more)
Posted by Lindsay on September 20, 2013
I have had kind of a crappy work-week, and I've been stressing about it for way too long. Giving people who don't deserve it real-estate in my mind, you know? So I baked and watched New Girl and read some books. I've been playing catch up on my goal of reading 50 books...(read more)